


One For All

by StarrySkye



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Touch Aversion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 01:43:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10349598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarrySkye/pseuds/StarrySkye
Summary: A bunch of random one shots all in one place.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys, decided I should put my one shots all in one place, I am not going to commit to updating on set dates put I will try to keep it regular I just have a really crazy schedule being pre-med. Comments are welcome, feel free to point out any spelling or grammatical errors in my work, I write whilst half asleep so chances are there will be something that slipped by. Also feel free to let me know if there is anything you want to see me write, I am up for pretty much anything. Anyway I should stop typing and let you (hopefully) enjoy the fic. Let me know what you think.

  
Alex always knew she was different from a very young age. It was something she always knew she didn’t like that perhaps she should. Alex Danvers didn’t like touch, being touched to be exact; Alex would even go so far as to say she hated touch if only her mother didn’t say “Hate is a very strong word. It’s not one a young lady should be saying, try to find a better one.” 

  
When Alex was a little girl she would squirm around and try to wriggle free of hugs, side stepping anytime anybody was going to touch her, she even went as far to run away and hide from her parents. However, she got into so much trouble for doing so and it broke her poor little heart every time she was being told off, being told “Stop being silly Alexandra, this is not a game,” the look of disappointment on her parents faces evident. All Alex ever wanted to do was make her parents happy, make them proud of her, so she gave up running away and squirming and let her parents hug her.  
It didn’t matter how uncomfortable it made her, just to see the happiness, the pride, the love on their faces, that’s all she wanted. Alex began to think that maybe, maybe that was just the way it was for everybody; nobody really liking it but being socially obligated to do it any way. 

  
She is a teenager when she figures out she shouldn’t be forced to do something that makes her uncomfortable. The first thing Alex does is tell her friends she doesn’t like to be touched in particular the hugs that seem to be the only socially accepted way to greet friends. They don’t understand. They look at her as if she is weird and ask, “is there a reason?” There is something about the way they say it that lets Alex know just what they are thinking, she has got to of been abused in one form or another, that doesn’t stop her from replying, “yeah, there is a reason and I don’t want to talk about it.” Because, there is a reason, that reason she doesn’t like it.  
Alex’s knows that if they knew that they wouldn’t see her reason as valid and continue with the physical affection it seems everybody in the world likes apart from her, so she keeps her answer vague in a desperate attempt of some sort of understanding, for the validity of her preferences. 

  
Alex’s dad dies and despite the grieve that wrecks her entire family, her father’s death makes life a little easier for Alex. Whilst his ghost still haunts the house, her mother is too consumed by grieve to pay attention to her, to be affectionate to her. Despite Alex morning the loss of her mother’s emotional affection, she can’t help but rejoice at the loss of her mother’s so called physical affection. 

  
All that left was Kara. But Kara was never an issue. Kara was much happier to receive physical affection than give it (not that Alex ever told her that she didn’t like being touched), Kara was gentle and never even asked to be touch let alone pressure Alex to do anything she didn’t want to. So, Alex was happy enough on some of Kara’s bad days to run her fingers through Kara’s hair or rub circles on her back. There were even a few days she gave Kara a side hug on Kara’s really bad days, but only because she wanted to, only because she wanted to see her sister happy; Kara never asked, Kara never pressured, she only had to give what she wanted.  
The best thing about Kara though is that despite Alex not liking a lot of the forms of physical contact, there were some she liked from time to time and with Kara she managed to find a balance, she managed to figure out what she liked and what she didn’t. All Alex had to do was stick her hand out and Kara would give her a high five and that’s all she needed to keep going.  
That simple high five would reassure Alex that her sister was still there and never going anywhere; eventually Alex grew used to sticking her hand out and getting a high five of Kara, when she was having a bad day, when she was having a good day, whilst they sat watching movies, when Kara walked past to get food, after petty sister squabbles, when she did well in tests, pretty much whenever.  
Getting a high five from Kara was all Alex needed, it felt like this was what she had been missing her entire life, it filled her with love and hope, it told her Kara was proud of her and never going to leave, it told her Kara was sorry or just that she was there; Alex got the impression that getting a high five is what it felt like to other people when they got a hug or a pat on the back or somebody held their hand.  
If that was true, Alex could see why people liked touch so much and had a hard time figuring out why somebody just didn’t like getting hugged, it didn’t excuse their behaviour but it did allow Alex to understand their actions. It allowed Alex to understand why hugging people, touching people, is normal if it elicited that kind of response, but it still didn’t help her feel anything when people hugged her, patted her on the back, tried to hold her hand or tried to sit on her lap, hell sometimes going to the hairdressers for a haircut was too much physical contact. 

  
When Alex went off to College she finds herself missing the high fives she had grown accustomed to. Yeah, she goes out to parties and drinks too much and hooks up with boys but something about their touch always leaves her skin crawling and Alex in need of an incredibly long scalding shower. Alex misses being able to stick her hand out and getting that little touch filled with love that reminds her she is not alone.  
The few friends Alex has made don’t even understand she doesn’t like to be touched and despite being told several times not to, they attempt to hug her every time she walks up to them so she fades them out and eventually Alex is friendless. If they can’t respect her wishes she won’t keep them around instead she goes about her days studying and her nights she spends partying hard. 

  
It isn’t until Alex goes home on mid-semester break that she gets another high five and oh god has she missed them. Alex had arrived home before Kara had finished school for the day so it’s as she is lay out on the couch watching T.V. that she hears Kara go “Alex you’re home. I’m just getting food and then you are going to tell me all about college,” causing Alex to chuckle to herself, she had missed Kara’s sunny disposition, and when Kara walked past her to get to the kitchen Kara’s had was already extended in the anticipation of a high five. Alex had never actually told Kara and yet Kara had never pressured Alex to do anything she didn’t want to do, happy with whatever Alex was comfortable with giving. Alex was totally at ease with the knowledge she was respected and wouldn’t be pressured until, her mother walked in. 

  
Her mother entered the room shortly after Kara witnessing the high five as Kara walked past and Alex heard her sigh before she said, “honestly Alex it’s bad enough you didn’t give me a hug but not giving Kara one as well, I thought I raised you better than that. We haven’t seen you in months it is rude to not greet us properly. Now get up and give your sister a proper welcome.” Her mother demanded and Alex froze.  
She hadn’t ever told her mother, there hadn’t been the need to before she left, this could not be happening now. No, just please, no. Sitting up to look between Kara and her mother, she didn’t need Kara’s super hearing to hear her heart thundering in her chest, panicking over what to do until Kara came to her rescue. “It’s alright Eliza she doesn’t need to,” Kara said trying to run interference between Alex and Eliza once again proving to Alex what a pure spirit Kara had, she’s the only person that didn’t want her uncomfortable, the only person who respected her wishes, her boundaries. 

  
However, her mother was having none of it a quickly rebutted, “nonsense, hug your sister Alex and then hug me. I am very disappointed in your lack of manners.” Alex was not happy at the up in her mother’s demands now it was two hugs instead of one, this was not fair.  
Alex sighed there was only one way out of this, it was now or never, time to break it to her oblivious mother. “No mom, I won’t hug you or Kara.” Alex said firmly set on making her point that her mother’s demands were never going to happen fully intending on explaining herself when she felt hands upon her wrists pulling her up. 

  
“Alexandra Danvers, you will give hugs right now.” She heard her mother demand as if talking to a stubborn child and she saw the flash of anger that appeared in her eyes.  
Alex tried to get free but her mother had an iron grip on her wrists and her struggling was futile. Alex began to feel sick not only from the enclosing hands upon her wrists but at the very real prospects of being physically forced to hug somebody against her will.  
Alex could see her sister awkwardly standing to the side deciding whether to get involved or not, thankfully she could see that her mother was hurting her and came to Alex’s rescue yet again, pulling her mother’s hands off her wrists saying, “Eliza, it’s fine if Alex isn’t comfortable hugging, it isn’t going to help anybody forcing matters.”

  
Once Alex’s hands were free from her mother’s vice like grip she collapsed back down onto the couch, her head finding its way between her knees as she tried to catch her breath and not vomit.  
“No Kara. It is not alright, it is rude. Unless Alex has a valid reason, there is no reason for her not to give us hugs.” Alex heard her mother say and something inside of her snapped.  
“I have a reason. A very valid reason. I don’t like hugs, or touch really. It does not bring me the same joy it seems to bring you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I am not normal. I’m sorry I can’t show you all how much you mean to me like a normal human being. But I can’t it makes me nauseous to even think about it so there you have it my valid reason.” Alex yelled, standing up and looking her mother dead in the eyes as she felt a few tears escape along with the rage she had kept under control for so long. 

  
Her mother obviously hadn’t got the message and raised her hand to Alex’s cheek to wipe away the tears causing Alex to flinch away, really not feeling like any touch at all. “Oh, Sweetie what happened, hmm? Who hurt you? When did this happen?” Eliza asked seeming to think the only reason Alex could be so against physical affection is if she had been physically abused in one way or another and there was nothing Alex could do to stop the downpour of tears down her cheeks as she realised just how little attention her mother had paid her over the past few years.  
“Nobody did this to me mom. Nobody abused me or raped me like you are implying. I just don’t like it and I’m sorry if you are only coming to realise this now but I have never liked it you’ve just never cared enough to notice.” Alex ranted all attempts to regain composure flying out the window. 

  
Once again, her mother raised her hand to her cheek to wipe away the tears cascading down her face and once again Alex flinched away.  
“Alex honey, stop being silly right now. If nothing happened, then there is no reason for you to be acting this way I can only presume you got this way because I didn’t hug you enough so for the rest of your stay here you will be getting a hug a day, lets see if we can stop this silly behaviour, yeah.” Her mother said pulling Alex up into a hug, once Alex was released she promptly ran up the stairs only just making it to the toilet before she threw up.  
Her mother didn’t believe her.  
Her mother thought she was being silly.  
Her mother was going to force herself upon her every day for the rest of the week.  
Alex was just exiting the bathroom when she heard a yell from downstairs, “For God’s sake Alex stop being so silly, stay in your room until you can be an adult about this.” Alex’s tears increased as she went to her room a flopped on her bed resolving to stay in her room for the rest of the holiday and never come back again.

  
Kara came in as she was going to bed and gently sat down on Alex’s bed careful to avoid Alex and said, “I’m sorry about Eliza, she really missed you when you were gone, she was really excited for you to come back, nearly as much as me,” that raised a disbelieving scoff from Alex and Kara continued on, “no, really she was. I just. I think she had this perfect image of you in her head and instead you fit this other picture, just as perfect, but not the same.” Kara explained. “I have had words with her but I don’t think she heard me, I will keep trying though, I promise she will come around.”  
Alex stayed silent her head still buried in her pillow and Kara sighed, standing up she walked to the door, she was just about to open it when Alex’s soft voice found her, “Thank you Kara. You are the best you know that right.”  
Kara smiled her bright sunshine filled smile and replied, “Well I do try my best but somehow I am always beaten for first place by this amazing girl I know called Alex,” which caused Alex to chuckle, she had missed Kara so much it was great to see her again.  
Seemingly reading her mind Kara said, “I missed you to. I better get to bed, if Eliza hears us talking much later Rao knows what she’s going to do. Night Alex.” And with that Kara was gone, the silence in her room overwhelming until a loud rumble echoed around it reminding Alex she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch.  
She snuck downstairs and grabbed some food from the kitchen returned to her room put everything down and quickly went back downstairs for more food, if she was going to stay in her room all week she would need provisions. 

  
Alex made it the whole week hiding in her room only coming out at night after everybody else was asleep. Kara came in multiple times every day to talk and Alex actually enjoyed herself.  
The first few days, however, her mother had tried to get in and drag her out once again claiming Alex was being “silly and childish” but Alex barricaded herself in and Kara had refused to help her mother by moving the heavy load and by the third day she had given up leaving Alex to wallow alone in her room whilst she could hear Kara and her mother laughing and having fun downstairs without her and not for the first time in her life Alex wished she was normal, that she didn’t feel this way and she could be down there with them having fun instead of stuck in her prison like room wallowing in self-pity. 

  
Years passed and Alex never returned home, never saw her mother again, they talked on the phone every week but Alex always came up with a reason to not see her mother in an effort to avoid confrontation like the last time she saw her mother.  
Kara had joined her out in National City and she had got a job at the DEO where the only physical contact accepted was during sparring or a handshake and Alex found she liked sparring; she didn’t enjoy so much when somebody was on top of her, when somebody had over powered her but she found her aversion to touch an asset as she was less inclined to let someone hit her and trained harder than anybody else to make sure she would always win. 

  
Kara came out as Supergirl and Alex knew, she just knew, that there would be no getting out of Thanksgiving this year with something this big her mother needed to yell at her about, the phone call would not suffice.  
Alex was pleasantly surprised when her mother didn’t insist on a hug, maybe she had changed since the last time they had met in person, even better by the end of her mother’s stay there was a promise to try and patch things up between them and Alex couldn’t help but hope maybe her mother finally understood, maybe everything will be alright. 

  
With Kara’s secret being out there, Kara found new friends and with new friends came game night. Whether Kara had warned them before hand or James and Winn were just decent people Alex didn’t know but they didn’t pressure her, they didn’t even seem phased by the fact she didn’t like to be touched just throwing a smile her way when they said goodbye instead of hugging her and Alex felt her heart swell at the thought that she had finally found some decent people and swore she would try her best not to scare of her new friends.  
Winn and James didn’t even seem to hesitate and understood what it meant when Alex felt comfortable around them to stick her hand out and she smiled brightly when she received a high five.  
Finally, some decent people, aside from her sister, who wouldn’t pressure her and accepted her for who she was and what she could give. 

  
Then Maggie Sawyer came along and crashed into her life, well more like trespassed on her crime scene but same thing.  
The first time Maggie touches her is when she is about to pull her gun out at the alien bar so Alex lets it go despite the feel of Maggie’s had around her wrist as she marched her to a stool making her feel uneasy long after it had been removed.  
Alex didn’t know why it had affected her so much normally she would be able to cope with a strangers, somebody who means absolutely nothing her, touch especially given how short the touch was. But Alex can still feel Maggie on her hours after the incident and she doesn’t know why. 

  
The next time Maggie touches her is when they go undercover at the alien fight club run by Roulette.  
She knows Maggie means nothing of it when she reaches down and holds Alex’s hand and Alex freezes for a second resulting in being pulled along slightly whilst she tries desperately not to squirm her hand out of the other woman’s grasp. When they get inside Maggie drops her hand and Alex tries not to visibly relax because for some reason she doesn’t want Maggie to think she did something wrong.  
Alex didn’t know what was wrong with her this was two strikes on Maggie normally by now she would have confronted the problem but something was preventing her from doing so. 

  
Before she knew it, Maggie was suggesting she was gay and suddenly her inability to confront Maggie on the issue made sense she had a crush on the beautiful woman.  
All the repressed memories, clues, she had no idea existed surfaced and she began wondering why she didn’t know sooner.  
The answer was simple.  
Because she didn’t like to be touched.  
Alex had assumed all her relationships, they had always been strictly male, had not worked out because she couldn’t bear to be touched. It had never crossed her mind that that wasn’t the issue and she was just going after people of the wrong gender. 

  
Maggie told her to come out to Kara and that was what she did explaining to Kara how she used to feel about going over to Vickie’s and sleeping on a mattress thrown on the floor next to her bed. Kara, her wonderful always accepting sister with unwavering love, accepted her, told her she was happy for her and then blamed herself for Alex not figuring this out before, not that anybody was to blame and as congratulations, as an I love you and I accept you no matter what Kara gave her a high five and just like that Alex knew everything would be alright so, she headed out to get the girl. 

  
Alex had never had the desire to kiss anybody before but as Maggie went to walk away Alex couldn’t help but act on her new-found desire and pull Maggie back to give her a short peck on the lips, Alex thought that if it was any longer she might not have liked it but as it was, it was the best kiss she had ever had.  
Until, she looked at Maggie’s face, the look that told her something was wrong, for a quick second Alex worried Maggie was like her and she had forced herself onto a woman who didn’t want to be touched but it turned out to be even worse; she had kissed a girl who wasn’t interested in her, she couldn’t breathe she had to get out of there.  
And get out of there she did, all the way back to her flat to drink herself to death because she felt so stupid to even think that this pure picture of perfection could be interested in her Alex Danvers that had too many problems to even know where to begin. 

  
Alex tried to face her fears of disappointing her mom by telling her at Thanksgiving, they had started to patch things up and her mother deserved to know, however, that stupid space portal opened up in the middle of the table and ruined her drunken speech.  
It turned out she didn’t need to tell her mother, she already knew and she gave Alex a pat on the back saying “I’m proud of you sweetie. I love you my beautiful Alexandra,” Alex wasn’t found of pats on the back but it was better than a hug and her mother was learning, her mother also accepted this new discovery in her life that was far more than Alex had ever hoped to have let alone dream about. 

  
Maggie was in her apartment.  
Maggie was confessing her feelings for her.  
Maggie was kissing her. It made Alex’s brain frazzle but she did have to pull apart before the kiss lasted too long but she found herself wanting another kiss so she made a wise crack and kissed Maggie again before pulling away once again saying, “as much as like the kisses, the pizza is getting cold Sawyer and I am hungry.” Which caused a chuckle to escape Maggie’s lips, pleased she hadn’t messed up she followed Maggie’s order of bringing the pizza to the couch and setting up the T.V. Alex set the pizza box between them as a subtle way of keeping Maggie’s affection of her for a while.  
She might be new to dating women but she wasn’t new to dating and she knew the touch thing tended to freak people out and was the first reason cited come the inevitable break up and something about Maggie was telling Alex she was the one and Alex didn’t want to frighten her off. 

  
Alex didn’t get very far in trying to keep it from Maggie.  
The day after Maggie kissed her they met up at the alien bar after work, as much of a first date their schedules would allow and after a long day they really didn’t feel like going out anywhere fancy where they wouldn’t be able to fully relax, they had had a few drinks and played a few rounds of pool exchanging kisses every so often.  
Everything was going well until they started to head home; Alex’s apartment wasn’t too far away and Maggie insisted on walking her home, “I know you’re a badass DEO agent but I wouldn’t be a very good date if I let you walk home by yourself, plus it would make me feel better if I know you get home safe,” Maggie said and how could Alex say no to that.  
So, they were walking to Alex’s when Maggie slipped her hand into Alex’s hand and Alex tenses which Maggie sensed causing her to immediately retract her hand saying, “sorry Danvers I know all this is new to you we can go at your pace yeah, I should have asked.”  
The compassion Alex could see in Maggie’s eyes nearly caused her to start to cry, “No it’s not that Maggie.” Alex said and she could see confusion spread across Maggie’s face both of them now standing still in the middle of the pavement. “It’s not that I’m not ready.” Alex tried to explain running her hands through her hair, “Oh God, um, there is something you should probably know about me.” Alex finally managed to say, but looking around she didn’t really want this discussion here, “not here though, we are not having this discussion here. Umm, why don’t we walk the rest of the way to my place and I’ll explain.” Alex finally finished, working up the nerve to look at Maggie she saw a small comforting smile on her face, “an invitation into the dragon’s lair how could I refuse,” Maggie joked in an attempt to lift the mood a bit and it worked, eliciting a small chuckle from Alex and they were on their way again, side by side walking until they reached Alex’s apartment. 

  
When they got to Alex’s, Alex unlocked the door and let Maggie enter before leading the way over to her couch and sitting down with a sigh head falling into her hands unsure of how she was going to explain her aversion to touch to the woman who had stolen her heart.  
It made matters harder when Maggie sat down on the opposite end of the couch, making sure not to touch her, and gently said, “you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready,” proving once again to Alex how wonderful Maggie is.  
Unable to stop a few tears from falling down her face upon hearing Maggie’s reassurance Alex lifted her head to look her in the eyes, “I want to and I know I should have told you before we started anything it’s just I’ve never had somebody who means as much to me as you and in my experience, most people don’t understand,” Alex explained, Maggie thankful sensed she just needed to get it out so sat there patiently with a reassuring smile upon her face. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just, I’m not overly fond of being touched,” Alex confessed. “I’m okay with somethings like short kisses, but others like hugs and hand holding, they make me nauseous and sometimes it’s worse than others. I mean there are times I think I would be okay with a hug but I know it’s confusing for everybody so I just stick with the rule don’t touch me. Sometimes I am okay with fleeting touches and others I just want to stand underneath a scalding shower spray for the rest of my life.” Alex rambled trying to express in more detail than she ever has before what is happening every time somebody touches her. 

  
Alex is pulled out of her word vomit my Maggie.  
Maggie who seems to have heard what she said and is crouched down in front of her making eye contact but not touching her and Alex can’t help the sob of relieve that escapes her when she looks in to Maggie’s eyes and sees nothing but acceptance and reassurance. “Hey, Alex. Thank you for telling me, I know it must have been hard and I can’t say I fully understand, but I meant what I said the other week, I don’t want to imagine my life without you, okay. So, we will work this out. We will figure out what works for us.” Maggie said and Alex could not hold onto a shred of composure any longer, she let out everything she had ever felt about it as she cried, she was crying over failed relationships and people who didn’t understand and she was crying because she didn’t find Maggie sooner, this woman she was coming to love and wasn’t going to pressure her in anyway.  
Alex heard Maggie softly sigh a gentle “Oh sweetie,” and she felt Maggie’s index finger rub one small circle into the back of her hand and then ask “is this alright? I can stop if you want, it’s just I wanted to comfort you somehow and you said,” Maggie began before Alex could get out a “yeah, it’s perfect,” between sobs, her head vigorously nodding encouraging Maggie to continue on.  
Maggie wasn’t holding her hand or trying to hug her, Maggie had heard her and asked permission to gently use one finger to draw small comforting circles on Alex’s hand, which was acting much like the high fives Alex gets of the others, a reminder of love, a reminder that she is not alone. 

  
They stay like that until Alex’s sobs subside, long after Maggie’s legs go numb, “I know we have a lot to work out and I am here for you whatever you need but right now I think you need some sleep and I should probably head home. We both have tomorrow off though so why don’t I come over and we can discuss everything in more detail in the morning after we’ve had some time to process everything.” Maggie suggests, to which Alex nods and says “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” before standing up and leading the way to the door.  
When they reach the door, Alex stops, turns around and gives Maggie a quick peck on the lips, “Thank you for everything, for hearing me out and for understanding, you really are the best.” Alex says before opening the door to let Maggie out, “well I try Danvers, but there is no need to thank me for common human decency.” Maggie replies smiling sweetly her dimples making themselves known, “I will see you tomorrow yeah.” She said as she walked out the door and as she walked down the hallway she turned back and gave Alex a small wave good bye. 

  
It took time but they figured out what was okay.  
Nudges were fantastic, high fives were common, their short kisses were like fireworks every time.  
Maggie learned that sometimes hugs were alright if she asked and it never hurt her feelings when Alex said no, on movie nights they sat side by side barely touching, occasionally nudging or high fiving each other, sometimes playing footsie, only with their feet though, like foot high fives.  
To begin with Alex was scared that because she couldn’t have sex with Maggie, Maggie was going to leave her but those fears were trampled out by Maggie who continuously showed Alex her love and support.  
When Maggie stayed the night, they did end up sharing the bed but Alex had her side and Maggie hers and they stayed to them, except maybe when somebody needed to warm their feet up and then those it was only ever feet touching shins or other feet nothing higher, nothing getting tangled up in a mess of limbs.  
Alex couldn’t believe how lucky she was to find a beautiful, amazing, smart woman who respected her and loved her with her whole heart and wasn’t waiting in anticipation for things that would never change to change.  
Alex couldn’t believe she was as in love as she was. 


End file.
